Mr Greg
by DoubleMMia
Summary: It's Solstice and Hawke wants to give Fenris a gift that reminds her of him, but will he really accept the gift known as Mr Greg? F!Hawke/Fenris


_It's Solstice and Hawke wants to give Fenris a gift that reminds her of him, but will he really accept the gift known as Mr Greg? F!Hawke/Fenris_

**Mr Greg**

Alexandrea Hawke chuckled as she opened up the box that she had kept warm and spacious for the past week now, grinning when she put her hand in to let her digits pad and stroke at the creature in said box.

It was Solstice and all was quiet at the Hawke estate after everyone had left, full of food and wine and (to everyone's horror) Isabela's own specially-made eggnog that Hawke had tried and felt like puking up everywhere soon after.

Still it felt nice to have them with her, the first Solstice at the estate and she shared it with both her mother and her friends and of course, _Fenris_.

Fenris had at least tried to warn her about Isabela's eggnog, the others - minus Aveline and Anders - had subtly encouraged her to drink it with strained smiles on their faces; anything to keep the pirate happy.

"I told you Hawke," Fenris had murmured to her when she had started choking on her drink, his affectionate pats on her back enough to clear her mind and focus on the evening ahead. "I'm sure you and Aveline talked about this a few months ago."

Hawke found it odd at how Fenris could have such a dry sense of humour, yet not use it at all even when the perfect opportunity was presented to him - it was just another reminder at how different they really were.

She remembered coughing and burrowing her face in her hands, shaking her head at her own stupidity and how she couldn't resist Merrill's 'puppy eyes' when telling her to drink something that was made by Isabela.

"Now I remember what she said! Don't accept strange drinks off strangers, raiders or dwarves! Or if none of them are around, then don't accept drinks off pirates. They have a strange sense of putting things in mugs and not really caring what they stir as long as it smells good!"

Fenris had patted her back again with a sigh, sending shivers down her spine at his calloused fingers against her.

Isabela had merely glared at them both before chugging down another mug of eggnog, hiccupped and reached for another piece of cooked nug.

They had all left in the end (including Fenris, a little bit of her heart broke at his departure despite knowing she'd see him tomorrow morning for a walk through Hightown) and so it left Hawke alone in her bedroom, stroking at the creature inside the box with a dreamy smile.

"Alexandrea!" She heard her mother called to her from downstairs, turning to shout back to see what her mother wanted. "I'm going to sleep now, should I get Bodahn to lock up or are you going out?"

Hawke grinned and stuffed the box in a sack, throwing it over her shoulder and rushing over towards the landing where she could just about stand on the rail with a triumphant look on her face. "I'll be out mother! Sights to see! Places to go! Elves to frolic with!"

Leandra looked horrified and in return flushed brightly at Hawke's unintended innuendo. "Dear! Please be civil in front of me! While I know I can't keep you away from that…ridiculously dressed pirate and that obscene dwarf Varric, restraint is called for don't you think?"

Hawke rolled her eyes and stepped off the railing back onto the landing, rearranging her sack with a smirk. "Anything to please you mother, have a good night sleep! I'll be back by tomorrow!"

Hawke rushed down her estate's stairs, patting Sandal on the head as she passed the sleepy dwarf (she gathered he too had been chugging down Isabela's eggnog when Bodahn wasn't watching) and flicked Bodahn's nose playfully as she waltzed towards her front door.

"Remember dear! No frolicking!" Leandra called after her, stirring a laugh deep from within Hawke's chest.

* * *

><p>Fenris doesn't sleep, or he never does when Hawke visits 'his' estate late at night and so she isn't surprised to see him there in his own little throne; sipping at an alcohol beverage she doesn't recognize.<p>

"Hawke." He nodded at her in a way of confirming her presence, another thing added onto the list that Hawke found endearing about the elf; he was always so cool and collected while she was a woman who wore her emotions on her sleeves and expressed them with everyone.

"Aren't you going to ask me what brings me to your…" She arched a brow at the corpse hanging from the railing a few feet away with disgust. Really, what Fenris needed wasn't a pet but a bloody maid. "Humble abode?"

Fenris hid his smirk behind his bottle. "I assumed you were here to spread good wishes what with that sack you have on your back."

"Oh ho ho ho." Hawke said with a snort, pulling the sack from over her shoulder with a huff before seating herself next to Fenris with her feet perched up on the elf's bench. "I'm actually here to give you a present!"

Fenris's expression changed from one of humour to one of complete confusion and guilt. "A present? For me? But…Why? I have not given you anything."

Hawke shrugged and shot the elf a sly wink. "Don't worry, you've got plenty of time to think of something to give me."

When Fenris gave her a look that reminded Hawke of a deer being caught in torch lights, she laughed and withdrew the box she had been keeping in her sack and placed it on her lap, allowing her nails to tap out a beat to try and hide her nerves at the thought of Fenris not liking the gift - _positive thoughts Hawke, positive thoughts._

Fenris watched her with observant emerald eyes, obviously waiting for her to make a move and clearly getting uncomfortable at the realization that he would unfortunately have to be the one to make the first move.

So he picked up the box with well-deserved hesitation because if he knew anything about Hawke it was the fact that while she meant well, she didn't always end up thinking things through properly.

He remembered a certain incident with some dragonlings up in the Bone Pit where Isabela had made a comment about the things being like 'kittens who very much wanted to eat you' and immediately Hawke had wanted one to keep one.

"_I'll look after it!" _Hawke had whined all the way back to Kirkwall with her arms wrapped around a struggling dragonling. _"I'll make sure it doesn't eat anyone!"_

Isabela had snorted at the mage, pointing to the area where the dragonling had been chewing on her headscarf. _"This was stolen from the Antivan market! It's completely ruined! Andraste's tits Hawke, get rid of it!"_

Fenris remembered putting his clawed gauntlet of a hand on Hawke's shoulder, fingers digging softly into the robes. _"Hawke it is not kind of you to keep such a creature away from the life it truly wants to live. Would you wish to be held against your will?"_

Hawke had known what he had been implying and let go of the dragonling with a sigh, brushing her silver hair out of her face and stomping beside the equally angry pirate back to Kirkwall.

Fenris was dragged back from the memory when the box rattled and whatever was inside let out a noise that sounded like a whine, shocking him into opening the box immediately to see what on earth Hawke had managed to capture to give him as a present.

It was a parrot. Hawke had gotten him a parrot. Something that he had never really saw before apart from in picture books that Hadriana used to taunt him with when he was still a slave.

"Hawke I…" He started hesitantly with his brows furrowed in uncertainty, not sure if he could really be cruel enough to break to Hawke that while her gift was appreciated he could not live with a bird in Danarius's mansion.

"His called Mr Greg!" Hawke explained to him with her usual cheery tone, petting the parrot's head with her index finger. "He reminded me of you so I thought that maybe you'd like him!"

Fenris had to remind himself that he cared for Hawke deeply to keep himself from getting angry at the suggestion he had familiarities with a damn feathered fiend known as a parrot. "How so?"

Hawke merely smirked at him and tapped her nose knowingly, "I'll show you."

She reached out to pet the parrot once more but before her finger could come any closer to Mr Greg's head, the grey feathered bird snapped its beak at her; letting out a growl that sounded bizarre coming from a bird and not a wolf or a dog.

Fenris watched with odd curiosity, still feeling that while the bird was indeed interesting it still didn't remind him of himself in the slightest.

Hawke met his gaze and snorted with a shake of her head. "Just watch and if this doesn't convince you then nothing will!"

Before Fenris could think about asking his companion what the point of this whole thing was, Hawke flicked the bird's beak and soon enough the parrot flapped its wings and squawked out words that were so angry and so strangely familiar to his own that…

"GET OFF ME YOU STUPID MAGE!" Mr Greg squawked at the apostate, flapping his wings so hard that Fenris thought that they might actually drop off. "I will spit at you with my hatred for your kind! SPIT AT YOU!"

Fenris gawked at the bird on his lap and then looked back to Hawke, truly shocked at what he had just witnessed.

Hawke giggled and let a finger curl around the lobe of his pointed ear, pulling back when she saw him flush brightly at the intrusion.

"Mr Greg doesn't like mages," Hawke said matter-of-factly with another laugh, patting the parrot's head and removing her fingers straight away soon after. "I don't know why. He just doesn't."

Fenris gulped silently when the bird flew up to land on his head, staring down at Hawke with its beady eyes of hatred.

"I am nothing like the bird." He said after a moment of gazing at Hawke, admiring the slope of her neck and the curve of her cheeks. "I'm not sure how I can remind you of such a creature."

Hawke arched a disbelieving brow and mumbled something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like 'yeah, _right_'.

Mr Greg flapped his wings again, making Fenris's hair fly about like corn maintaining its stand against a hurricane. "Mage! MAGE! I will destroy you! DESTROY YOU!"

"Yeah okay…" Hawke murmured in disbelief, shaking her head in humour and looking Fenris straight in the eye. "Isn't he the most adorable creature?"

"Adorable! I'll give you adorable you piece of -!" Fenris silenced Mr Greg by placing a finger over the parrot's beak, bringing him off his head to rest in his lap.

"The gift is…" Fenris struggled to find the right word to explain how he felt about such a gift and so settled on the first word that appeared in his head that didn't sound particularly ungrateful. "Appreciated…He is very…"

Hawke pouted at him in return and Fenris felt a surge of panic rush through him at the thought that he had somehow managed to upset Hawke. "Don't you like Mr Greg?"

"No! No! I did not say that!" Fenris stumbled out his words in a way he knew to be pathetic, but he didn't care. He didn't want to upset Hawke and if he had to keep the blasted bird to prove it, so be it. "It is a gift worth honouring. I just…Can we not call him a different name?"

Hawke shrugged. "I tried Mr Frodo but he didn't like it. He only likes Mr Greg."

A muffled sound filled the room and the flapping of wings. "Call me MR FRODO ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL-"

Fenris pushed harder on the parrot's beak, smile even more strained than before. "Mr Greg it is. Thank you Hawke. I appreciate the gift."

Hawke grinned and pecked him on the cheek with a shrill laugh. "No worries! I'm going back to the estate now! Have fun!"

Fenris watched Hawke go with dismay, settling himself in his chair and waiting for Hawke to close his door when he once more allowed himself to lift a finger from the parrot's beak.

"That's right! Sod off lady man-hands!"

Fenris pressed down harder onto the parrot's beak, sighing at the familiar words that had escaped Mr Greg's mouth.

"_Isabela_…"

* * *

><p><em>I apologize I have not checked my grammar and for that I'm sorry if it soon becomes difficult to read. I wrote this very late and while it probably isn't funny at all, it gave me a good laugh. I haven't wrote heterosexual stuff for YEARS now. XD Still, enough time to get used to it I guess.<br>Constructive criticism is appreciated. Flames are not. _


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